It turned out to be pretty good actually, though I was actually feeling a little discouraged since the results seems to be a little worse than expected. But on the brighter side it was really not bad at all and I am happy with the results (thanks to the curve!!!)

I guess that I have come to the stage where indeed everyone is really better than you and so you have to accept that well you did your best and be happy with what you have obtained.

It’s really hard to remain in such a mental state and not feel bad about some stupid score but I think I can start handling it.

For some reason, I was quite down earlier today in comp science discussion where I was really thinking of nothing but to get out of that classroom. Dunno what got me into such a state. All the expectations of myself by myself and others as well as the realization that perhaps it could not really be met.

The main spirit lifter of the week was today in bible study when my group leader Daniel spoke about John 5: 1-1

So the story goes that there was a paralytic who waited by a great pool one day when Jesus confronted him.

The myth at that time was that an angel would come down from time to time and stir the pool, and the first one to jump into the pool when the angel is stirring the pool would be healed of any infirmities.

According to what I thought I heard, modern day examination of the pool’s location would later discover that actually beneath this pool there was some rock that well,  releases some kinda gas from time to time perhaps due to acidic reaction or something. So perhaps the myth came from the fact that the pool was bubbling at times. And also the myth may have developed because it is really possible to heal oneself due to the strong belief that you should be healed. But it usually goes away and the infirmity returns.

Anyway, so this paralytic was lamenting to Jesus that there was no one to help carry him into the pool when the pool was actually stirring.  He did not directly answer Jesus’s question of whether he wanted to be healed or not. In a similar way, we get so distracted and want to apportion blame to everyone but ourselves.

It seems that in life many of us may be waiting by the pool of wealth, fame, reputation, achievement, success, material gain, etc. that we become like the paralytic, believing that the myth is actually true, that all these things can bring everlasting healing and deliverance from our current inadequacies. We are all like the paralytic in some manner. We feel incomplete unless we have achieved that something, whatever that something may be. We feel unhappy and bitter because we are not the smartest or the richest or most admired around.

And of course, the paralytic was not the only one waiting around the pool. There are a lot of other disabled people hoping to be that first person to jump into the pool at first glance of seeing it stirring. Likewise, there are tonnes of people who want to out-compete each other to get into that pool first. You can imagine all the disabled people elbowing each other just to get into the pool first. What different is such a scenario in today’s world. We try to beat each other and be the first and the best and the brightest. Only to discover that being in the “pool” provides some fleeting “healing” and “deliverance” until another smarter and richer guy comes along and puts you to shame. Then the elbowing continues as you try to defeat this new contender. Man such a vicious cycle.

But there is a better way, and I believe that Jesus is the way. He healed the paralytic. “Get up and pick up your mat! Stop wasting time by this pool and go your way!”

Well, I wanted to be some smart-ass guy here at Berkeley, only to be humbled again and again by all the really intelligent people. I no longer want to link my self-esteem to my exam performance or how much I can achieve.

But while this does not mean that I should start slacking off and study less (but instead study harder!), I hope to move toward accepting things for what things are and try to be gracious to everyone instead of adopting that “I’m going to beat you next time attitude.”  As Christians we should always strive to be the best at what we are doing, and always have a good attituce no matter what the outcome may be. We can also adopt a community attitude, to help each other out and not be so bitter about trivial things.

(In case some people interpret this wrongly with respect to wealth, it also does not mean that money is not important. Money is VERY important. Without it you cannot take care of yourself and your family, and you cannot bless others, and you can’t do God’s work and will for your life. I say this because I have received some rather mind-boggling comments in the past telling me to give away the money used for overseas education simply because I am a Christian. That’s not the point. Having money is not the problem, it is the love of money, though there is perhaps more to add to that statement.)

Also, this passage is really applicable to one’s life goals, to work hard for that fame and self-glory or to do something about it so that we do not disappoint ourselves in the end. For one, I really don’t know what I want to do later after Berkeley, but I am not going to worry about it for the moment.

Thanksgiving is approaching, and I realize that no matter how bad we perceive something to be, there is always something to thank God for.

Praise the Lord!

(P.S. Blogging about this does not mean that I am already living out all that is said in this article. I’m still imperfect and I’m constantly trying to correct myself.)

Two days ago I attended an event organized my church’s three campus groups and it was themed “Gone.” “Gone” is actually the title of a song by Switchfoot. It sounds like just another rock song, but it’s lyrics have profound meaning:

She told him she’d rather fix her makeup
Than try and fix what’s going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cell phone gone.

She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she’s living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upside down.

Don’t say so long, and throw yourself wrong
Don’t spend today away, ’cause today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone
Like history is gone
Just try and prove me wrong and
Pretend like you’re immortal.

She said, he said, live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (Infinity)
Where’s your treasure, where’s your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like she pretends like she’s immortal.

Don’t say so long, you’re not that far gone.
This could be your big chance to make-up
Today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone
Like history is gone
The world keeps spinning on
You’re going, going
Gone, like summer break is gone
Like Saturday is gone
Just try and prove me wrong
You pretend like you’re immortal (you’re immortal)
You’re immortal (you’re immortal)

Ha-ah

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We are so confident in our accomplishments
Look at our decadence.

Gone, like Frank Sinatra, like Elvis and his mom,
Like Al Pacino’s cash, nothing lasts in this life.
My High School dreams are gone
My childhood streets are gone
Life is a day that doesn’t last for long.

Life is more than money, time was never money
Time was never cash, life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom fills
Life is more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We’ve got information in the information age
But do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow brings us closer
To the God who’s not short of cash
Hey Bono, I’m glad you asked
Life is still worth living, Life is still worth living
Life is more that you are.

If you could live today again, what would you do differently?

Yet it is true what the song says. We all live as if we were immortal. At least that seems to be true for people in my age group, around 20 years old and thinking that there is so much to life ahead of them. I had the grim realization 2 days ago that I had already spent about a quarter of my life or more (depending on whether I would live to see 80 years old) doing… what?

What in the world was I doing?

There was a season in my life when I used to spend many hours away on the TV and on stupid computer games like DoTA and Starcraft, doing stuff that has no value at all. Man, all that time, gone. And there are many of my peers who are still hooked on games. Could it have been spent in a better way?

Here at Berkeley, I am not so busy that I do not think about life in general. Some people think about study study study all the time. I like to still think about things.

I am sad that there are many youths out there who just don’t realize the urgency of the time at their hands. Delete those computer games, watch less TV or get rid of it. Watching or not watching that episode of Heroes does not change your life in any way at all, and I mean it. Surfing the internet mindlessly and doing nothing productive online is another time-waster which is, well, something I am trying to fix myself.

Well to be fair, perhaps I am not spending my time what well either. Perhaps to some extent I would still be dragged to that time-sucking activity called career-building one day instead of doing the things that matters. Even now, I have to prevent myself from being so entirely engrossed in the verb called “studying.” But it should be the case that these things do not consume us, or so I wish.

The pursuit of fame, ambition and material can wheel all our time away from the things that should matter more: family, pursuing God’s vision for us, and doing what really matters. On your dying bed would you call for your certificates and trophies and money so that you can smell it?

Who doesn’t want to be recognized and praised all over? But then again, in one hundred years to come, who in the world cares about you? They might talk about you like the way we are talking about Abraham Lincoln or Einstein now, but who cares? They’re all dead. You’re dead by then too.

“The greatest uncertainty in life is when would be our dying day”

“The greatest certainty in life is that we exist and that we will surely die.”

Only now do I understand the verse found in Ecclesiastes 7:2,

It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.

Don’t think you are immortal. Time is being lent to you. We are living on borrowed time.

I think I want to start living more and more for other people instead of myself. I want to try and just help more people through in my daily life, in church, etc. Makes life more meaningful and more abundantly lived. It sad to be living short-sightedly thinking that I would be living forever and doing things for myself and myself alone.

Also, time spent worrying is time wasted. I don’t exactly know anything of what the future holds, but I do not want to agonize over “what’s next?”

The time is now.

Today will soon be gone.

Do something about it.

Students are roaming the streets and there is a big rally going on celebrating Obama’s win as the 44th President of the United States.

Cars are honking and students are cheering and shouting all over. I mean, like, non stop for the past 2 hours.

Berkeleyians who are for Obama, which form a majority of the campus community, are cheering his win. Everyone here is going crazy over his win.

Hurrah for Obama!

Update: CNN just featured Berkeley’s students celebrating in the streets on live national television. Welcome to Berkeley. Berkeley is really one very liberal place.

(Today’s midterm also had an extra credit section where you could get 6 additional points by attaching the voting slip as proof that you have voted. Even the professors are encouraging people to vote here.)

But the nice thing about it was being able to run across the Golden Gate Bridge and back. Truly breathtaking. And add a rainbow to that. Yes, a rainbow was hovering above the Golden Gate Bridge when I was running. Awesome!

Somehow I managed to pull this one off without intense training. But I guess tomorrow I’ll feel the aches!

And yeah after than rushed back to the dorm and then ran all the way to church. Reached there 2 minutes late haha.

OK that’s it for now. Exam tomorrow.

It was alright, cause a short survey showed that quite a lot of people in the whole class didn’t quite get the entire problem in page 2 as well, which is basically the same fate as mine.

22/45. (mean unknown at point of writing)

UPDATE:  Mean was 19.4269/45 and the standard deviation was 7.50. Not bad not bad.

After my professor Babakued us (his name is Babak), there was candy for us in front of the lecture hall!

Talk about being evil, haha.

(There’s also a Facebook group called “I got Babakued!” for all the EECS people who have been prepared as delicious delicacies on Babak’s grill stove over the years through his tough exams)

Ern Sheong is one heck of a self-centered person. (Sorry I deleted your message from my Shoutbox cause I was not in a right mood when I read it. Coupled with the fact that it was anonymous and I was not having the best of days.)

I guess no one likes it when they are being labeled as self-centered and proud. So do I. But then again I think that describes me best anyway. Self-centered, selfish and proud.

OK, so I admit. I am selfish, self-centered and proud. I guess it’s been a journey over many months and years tackling this problem within myself.

I try to be more generous and caring toward others, but somehow there is always something that I could have done more to help others. Worrying too much about myself, when there are many people out there who could benefit a lot from a bit more of concern from me.

So yeah. I’m still working on it, thinking about life in general a lot, and wondering about many things in Berkeley despite this self-imposed “busyness.” And yeah, I know I should worry and think less than I do now.

But hey, I wanna embrace a changed outlook from now on.

Even if there are many people who do much better than I do in many things, I just wanna be grateful for the opportunity to rub shoulders with all these wonderful people and actually learn all these stuff that I am learning now. Bad marks for some quizzes and midterms don’t really do much harm to me anymore. It’s just part of the journey. And life out there is like that. And hard work is becoming an enjoyment.

I feel down a lot of times and I pick myself up most of the times. For the rest, God picks me up. I just smile when I think that I am stressing myself out. I am learning to take things slowly and enjoying the process. Soon, Berkeley will come to pass for me. Better enjoy the moment and not sweat the small stuff.

Man I have to learn how to be cheerful and not take things so seriously all the time.

I learned a new term in Berkeley:

“bombed”

Usage is as follows:

“I bombed my midterm yesterday.”

Meaning: You totally screwed up that midterm.

Usage in personal context in a sentence:

“I bombed my Comp Sci. 61A midterm last Wednesday. I prepared hard for it. But nevertheless I got stumped by some questions with a lot of marks. Damn.”

Anyways. I shall cease to whine about midterms. No point. That’s life at Berkeley.

—

One moment I was listening to my iPod. Moments later, I walked into a room with the iPod inventor in it.

Tony Fadell, the creator of the iPod, came to UC Berkeley last Wednesday to give a lecture or rather to conduct a Question and Answer session. He was pretty cool. Had a degree in Computer Engineering from U of Michigan, started a few businesses while he was a college student.

He revealed that he and his friend once gained a few hours of access to their school lab.  They looked at the laboratory key they had with them, and then they looked at each other.

Then they duplicated the lab key.

Thus they worked all-nighters in the lab creating their own chip during those times. Subsequently he told us of his story of start-ups and of trying to establish his own company. He was trying to revive his struggling company when one day Apple contacted him and asked him to consult on the project to build a portable music player. He took six weeks to prepare a paper for the Apple iPod. It sounded easy but it wasn’t. But now, we have our 17th generation of iPods thanks to Tony Fadell and his team. And the rest is history.

Another thing he said was that Apple built a business surrounded by high barriers to entry. China might duplicate tonnes of copy-cat iPods and iPhones, but nothing beats the environment of support and the beautiful integration of hardward and software that Apple provides. He repeated during the session that it is absolutely important for a business to build high barriers to entry for it to survive in the long run. Makes sense. If you do something that other people can easily do, your company would probably not survive for too long.

I was pretty quiet throughout the entire session. Americans really love to ask questions. Many of them were good ones. But somehow I managed to get the opportunity to ask the very last question:

“What is your advice to students who are looking to start their own companies?”

His response was something to the tune of, “This is the time! You are young, and you are able to take risks without major consequences. Worst comes to worst, when you fail badly, you can go home to your parents.  I am now married with two kids. If I were to do what I did then at my present situation, I would probably not do it. Last time I was accountable to no one but myself. But now my wife might say, “Who’s going to pay the bills if you fail?” And your parents might want to dictate what you want to do, but their are just giving advice and advice can or may not be followed.”

Nice words, but would I really act?

Really nice to hear someone from the industry come and talk. One of the benefits for being so near the Silicon Valley.

Alright folks. Later.

2005 Rankings:

1. Harvard University, United States
2. Massachusetts Institute of Technology, United States
3. University of Cambridge, United Kingdom
4. University of Oxford, United Kingdom
5. Stanford University, United States
6. University of California, Berkeley, United States

2008/2007 Rankings:

2008/2007 Rankings

1/1 HARVARD University United States
2/2= YALE University United States
3/2= University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom
4/2= University of OXFORD United Kingdom
5/7= CALIFORNIA Institute of Technology (Calt… United States
6/5 IMPERIAL College London United Kingdom
7/9 UCL (University College London) United Kingdom
8/7= University of CHICAGO United States
9/10 MASSACHUSETTS Institute of Technology (M… United States
10/11 COLUMBIA University United States
11/14 University of PENNSYLVANIA United States
12/6 PRINCETON University United States
13=/13 DUKE University United States
13=/15 JOHNS HOPKINS University United States
15/20= CORNELL University United States
16/16 AUSTRALIAN National University Australia
17/19 STANFORD University United States
18/38= University of MICHIGAN United States
19/17 University of TOKYO Japan
20/12 MCGILL University Canada
21/20= CARNEGIE MELLON University United States
22/24 KING’S College London United Kingdom
23/23 University of EDINBURGH United Kingdom
24/42 ETH Zurich (Swiss Federal Institute of T… Switzerland
25/25 KYOTO University Japan
26/18 University of HONG KONG Hong Kong
27/32 BROWN University United States
28/26 École Normale Supérieure, PARIS France
29/30 University of MANCHESTER United Kingdom
30=/33= National University of SINGAPORE (NUS) Singapore
30=/41 University of CALIFORNIA, Los Angeles (U… United States
32/37 University of BRISTOL United Kingdom
33/29 NORTHWESTERN University United States
34=/28 ÉCOLE POLYTECHNIQUE France
34=/33= University of BRITISH COLUMBIA Canada
36/22 University of California, BERKELEY United States

Naturally, as an international student studying in Berkeley and as a citizen of a country which is obsessed with rankings (Malaysia, where the main newspaper publishes such rankings), I ask the question:

“What in the world is going on?“

“Did Berkeley actually drop in rankings?”

Firstly, UC Berkeley definitely did not go backwards in the last few years. On the contrary, the ranking methodology used by THE-QS went “forward” or rather it “progressed.”

Let’s take a good look at the Rankings by Subject found on the same web page (based on responses to Academic Peer Review only):

Arts and Humanities

1HARVARD University United States (100.0)
2University of California, BERKELEY United States (93.1)
3University of OXFORD United Kingdom (91.3)
4University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom (89.1)
5YALE University United States (86.2)

Life Sciences & Biomedicine

1 HARVARD University United States (100.0)
2 University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom (87.1)
3 JOHNS HOPKINS University United States (84.7)
4 University of California, BERKELEY United States (83.7)
5 University of OXFORD United Kingdom (81.4)

Natural Sciences

1 MASSACHUSETTS Institute of Technology (M… United States (100.0)
2 University of California, BERKELEY United States (99.5)
3 University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom (98.3)
4 HARVARD University United States (96.1)
5 University of OXFORD United Kingdom (92.3)

Social Sciences

1 HARVARD University United States (100.0)
2 University of California, BERKELEY United States (91.6)
3 STANFORD University United States (82.6)
4 LONDON School of Economics and Political… United Kingdom (82.1)
5 University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom (81.8)

Technology

1 MASSACHUSETTS Institute of Technology (M… United States (100.0)
2 University of California, BERKELEY United States (93.9)
3 STANFORD University United States (85.3)
4 CALIFORNIA Institute of Technology (Calt… United States (81.6)
5 University of CAMBRIDGE United Kingdom (76.2)

As we can see, Berkeley is Top 2 in the world in every Subject except for Life Sciences and Biomedicine, where it is ranked fourth. How come this does not translate to high rankings in the overall rankings?

Hence to gain a deeper understanding let’s examine the methodology of the overall rankings applied by THE-QS:

So it can be seen that Berkeley has performed extremely well in the Academic Peer Review but it only consists of 40% of the total grade. Thus it can be concluded that Berkeley’s performance in the remaining 60% was not so stellar.

The following statements are of my own view and no in-depth analyses were made to produce the following statements. However the statements are the result of a few simple yet logical observations:

• Employer reviews tend to be geographically biased. An employer in some part of the world might favor places like Harvard because it is internationally well-known in general, but might rank other places which is just as good lower just because they are not familiar with the names of those universities.
• Berkeley is a public university with much more students than any other private university. Based on this, faculty student ratio suffers. Furthermore, Berkeley is facing budget cuts this year which decreases funding for the recruitment of new faculty members. America’s economy is in a bad shape, and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is not increasing funding to UC campuses. Furthermore, Berkeley’s endowment is still small (US 1.3 billion) compared to places like Stanford (US 17 billion).
• For Citations per Faculty, I don’t see how Berkeley can do badly in this category, until I saw the words “international faculty.” So to gain marks in this category, Berkeley has to employ more international professors who can churn out research papers, which is of course not the case always. Berkeley professors are mostly American.
• Berkeley has tripled its international student enrollment this year, but it remains as a very small proportion of about 3% compared to the total number of incoming students. Compared to many other international universities which admit international students by the droves until it reaches to high proportions, Berkeley is still an American institution at large. The name University of California, Berkeley also implies that most of the places go to the top students in California.
• The last criteria is also biased toward universities with high international student proportion.

It is not hard to see why Berkeley performed badly in the remaining 60% of the grade. But that by no means makes it any worse. Actually, it doesn’t really matter at all. THE-QS rankings is an international ranking and hence it tends to put in a lot of emphasis on the international component, but that does not determine the success of a university per se. Just because a university is internationally focused does not mean that it is better than another university who is “less international.”

Conclusion:

Don’t let the rankings deceive you. Many rankings say this and that, so do not take it at face value and do your own research. Berkeley’s engineering department as on the same footing as Stanford and MIT, and is a very well-recognized.

If you are a Malaysian or anyone else reading this, by all means apply to Berkeley. It’s an awesome place for academic study and exploration. Do not let such rankings affect your decision to apply to Berkeley, thinking that at the rank of 36 Berkeley is a “rubbish” school. It is not. I have been here for a while and I must say that this is a great school.

Cheers. Be wise!

My TA (Teaching Assistant) was illustrating data-directed programming, so he came up with an example of a grade-scores list.

First representation: (list of pairs)

((Sarah, -10) (Barack, 100) (John, 0))

Second representation: (list of two lists)

(Sarah, Barack, John)

(-10, 100, 0)

If you follow American politics you would know what I am talking about. Haha

Walk out of an exam early.

Despite not studying much for the Physics 7A Midterm due to the many other midterms jammed together (I started the night before the exam), I did pretty well.

Ironically, it was the day when I thought that I was pretty stupid. Like I don’t know what in the world was going on in lecture and everybody around me does (especially in my major, EECS, everyone is so smart.) So I went into the exam later in the evening expecting something hard again and walla, it was all done with 15 minutes to spare with checking. And it was really fun shooting down the 5 problems one by one. Maybe it was easy, I don’t know. I dare not say anything is easy these days. So I got a B in my Math midterm. And 21/40 in my CS61A midterm (that really sucks, average was like 27). But overall it was generally alright. Not the genius not the last guy in class, which is pretty fine.

Awesome. That Physics 7A restores some confidence in myself. I can actually do something awesomely.

——

Well I am still thinking about what I could be doing with an Electrical and Computer Engineering degree. I still don’t have that big picture. For all I know I might be doing this major and then not utilizing an single thing studied in the future. But then again if I do not do this I don’t know what I can actually do. I don’t wanna be a doc, nor do I want to study business per se. I think I am liking the stuff I study but then again I am not too sure.

Initially I studied EECS because I wanted dabble in high-tech business. Who knows, maybe I am still into that. But I think I will definitely complete this degree and not switch majors, and perhaps minor in something like Industrial Engin and Operations Research.

I came to Berkeley not to have an easy and chilling time, hence the full-load I am doing. I hope to progress to more interesting courses in the next semesters after clearing all these requirements.

Unlike in Junior College where I had the excuse of not doing superbly in exams due to the many commitments in activities, I have no such excuse here since I am not joining anything in particular besides my church fellowship group. I should be acing it all but anyway.

Somehow I have a more holistic view of this thing called GPA. Some people are totally obsessed with it. They take easy classes so that they can rev-up their GPA to reach the ideal 4.0. I won’t do that. I will take the hard and interesting classes that I can find and toil through it. Much better (I feel) than an undergrad who does 4 courses a semester of which some are just easy breath courses here and there. (But then again I am doing 3 years and most are doing 4.) I came here not to get some two digit number. I want to challenge myself. I came to Berkeley to be kicked and be thrown around, not to have a jolly time (which I inevitably do have also due to my “funner” friends.)

Great. Let’s see how I hold out this semester.

Cheers everyone.