So many many things in my mind lately. Cluttered and too many things running around. Let’s catch some of them and place them in words.

1) Weirdly, NUS says that my application is still in “Application Processing” mode even though almost all of my friends already know of their admission decision into NUS. Maybe they are rejecting me because I told them that I am retracting the NUS Double Degree application (Business & Engin. combined). NTU gave me a spot in the NTU-Georgia Tech program even though I told them that I am retracting my application after they asked me to submit more supporting documents. I got lazy, told them I am withdrawing NTU application, and got accepted. The irony.

The thing is, going to Berkeley ain’t cheap. Half a million ringgit of cash splashed, and I might not even get a high paying job upon graduation, especially if I fail to secure a job in the US and have to come back home to Malaysia. The cost does not justify potential earnings.  I am entertaining the thought of just going to Singapore and get that dumb piece of paper called a degree. On the other hand, job aside, Berkeley might expose one to lots of new stuff and give a wholely different experience that might come useful, in some way, maybe in starting a tech venture. So yeah. A gamble indeed.

2) YEAH this pisses me off a lot. Drivers who fail to signal when switching lanes or cutting into your lane. I might be driving a small car, but please signal la when cutting in. At least when you signal, I know and will most of the time let you through as a reward for your courtesy to signal. DON’T BARGE IN LIKE THAT. (Volvo, BMW tai sai ar) Or I’ll HONK =)

Malaysian drivers.

OH yeah there was this joke my colleague related to me. So one day a listener called Mix FM and told the DJ, “Penang drivers are really terrible la.” Another called in and said (obviously a Penang lang) “Where got, in KL the drivers are also like that what. Bad driving.”

Killer statement by yet another caller, “You know why KL got bad drivers or not. They all come from Penang and drive in KL.”

3) Hmmm in my job, I have been going to a lot of places, including the abodes of wealthier people to do some maintainance. I don’t know, but it feels weird. Big houses, big and nice cars, luxuries that I see, makes me wonder whether this is really what I want to own. If I had a lot of cash, would I self-gratify, indulge in all these nothings and be arrogant and think that I’ve got it all? It’s very easy to do that if you are rich. So dangerous to be trapped like that. Live like a king and all, think that one is so big and awesome. Yeah when I drive in my Kancil I will go “ooooo, wahhh, niceeee” at the Toyotas and Hondas and BMWs etc etc., thinking of when I can have enough cash to get a Toyota etc., but is this really the objective of it all? Materials and all. Many of us would like that.  But if a man were really to be judged by the abundance of his possessions, then there can be only one winner in this world, i.e. Warren Buffet at the current moment. Judging by this, the rest might as well be losers. Of course, this cannot be the case.

Being a Christian complicates matters. On one hand, it is OK to be rich, but be generous givers. On the other hand, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (Note: Hard, but not impossible. More discussion on Bible verses about wealth and riches in a later post.) My say is that it is perfectly fine to be wealthy, though many Christians today advocate self-denial and living “poorly” since they say that the Bible says things like “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” But the world screams money and wealth, and if Christiany means that one has to beg in the streets, who would want to become a Christian? The truth is, Jesus’s disciples were very wealthy people. I’ll elaborate in another post.

Even in church, sometimes people give testimonies announcing that God has blessed them financially (yes that’s good and praise the Lord for that) but I don’t really agree with the part that they go on saying that they have recently bought a Mercedes [fill in latest model here] (this is the part that feels wrong to me) as proof that they have been financially blessed. Big deal ah saying you got a Mercedes? A car is a car. What is a Mercedes for if not to flaunt and show off? Sigh. I don’t know. It’s not that I am against people with big cars, but then again who am I to judge anyway? I am not God. But all I want to say in this paragraph is that when someone drives a big car, says he drives a big car etc., my perception of that person, justified or not, points toward arrogance and self-importance. This is the perception I get, to be brutally frank.

This is my stand on riches and wealth: 1) Being rich is not wrong. God needs money for His works too.  2) Tithes and offerings are obligatory and mandatory. God commands us to render to God the things that are God’s. 3) Be a generous giver. One must give in order to receive! But give not to receive but to serve others and shower love on others, especially the needy. 4) Don’t love money, and don’t let money be your God. Now who can say, “I wish to be poor”? The fact is that we all wish that we can have financial freedom, be rich, and not be in lack financially. But how will you live your life once you have all these things? I think how you live your life when you are rich it is more important than having the riches itself. After all, this fact remains: we enter the world with nothing, and we depart with nothing.

The question I challenge all readers to ponder: How will you live your life when you are wealthy? Never forget that it is God who gave the power to get wealth. Give more to those in need? Flaunt it all to fulfill one’s material desires? It’s your choice.

4) Makes me think, I’ve applied to 8 scholarships, only one replied so far, i.e. Shell. Never intended to go into Oil and Gas, so ended up not going for the interview, plus the bond would be unbearable for person like me. Guess I shouldn’t complain about not getting scholarship since I am so choosy. But you get the point. Easier to win a lottery today than to get a scholarship, no matter how good you THINK you are.

[see what months of no intense studying and exams can do to one’s brain. my recent blog posts are proof that the gap period before starting intensive further studies makes me think a lot, some might say too much. but it’s good. sets the priorities right.]

————————————————-

Some things cannot be rushed.

Infatuation or not infatuation? Perhaps I’ll give a few years to tell the difference. But things will be very different then. Oh, how hard it is to embrace the notion of keeping my eyes on God and serving Him wholeheartedly, everything for Him, doing God’s will at the current moment in my life, instead of dwelling in uncertain hopes and desires that plagues the mind. But today was something lifted. This burden. Maybe now I can give God my 100% attention. As long as I don’t entertain those thoughts. My naive mind.

I was quite astounded when I read this in the Sunday Star yesterday.

At first, Ning Baizura’s manager Vernon Kedit Jolly spotted Penang’s Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng standing in front of them (Ning and Jolly) in a queue. When Vernon told Ning Baizura about this, she would not believe it.

Ning: Takkan CM jalan sorang sorang. If he’s the CM, where’s the bodyguards and the officers and the rombongan and kaum kerabat?

Me (Vernon): Tak percaya? Watch and learn.

So Vernon approached him, introduced himself and asked to take a picture. YAB Lim obliged.

Source: mrmanager.blogspot.com

Later on, when Ning and Vernon were settled in First Class, they turned their heads around, expecting to see YAB Lim nearby. But he was nowhere to be found. Vernon went to do a bit of investigating:

I popped my head round the curtain that veils First Class and Economy Class and guess who I saw sitting in the front row seat of Economy quietly reading the newspapers?

No prizes for right guesses. See more pictures here.

I should have expected this from a man who would rather live in his father’s house than to spend RM300,000 in tax-payers money to fix up the official dwelling of Penang’s CM. Such a person deserves my respect rather than national or corporate leaders who flaunt their status driving big cars and living like a duke. Down to earth people such as Lim Guan Eng deserve my most respect. Truly leading by example.

Went to NJC today for College Day to receive a Student Council contribution award. Met up with some pals again, as well as some teachers. Parents came along all the way to Singapore even though the award was no biggie. Of course, I am nonetheless thankful to be even invited for this event. But then again I remembered reading in a book that awards are given to acknowledge that you have been doing things conventionally, the way the world sees success. By getting an award you have proven to be good in the eyes of the world, nothing creative, nothing special, just conventional. Somehow awards don’t really matter to me anymore. I think I would respect the person who has not received any award or praise but has served others whole-heartedly, quietly behind the scenes. I want to be that kind of person. Perhaps the many school awards that I have garnered since primary have made me numb to this fact until now: it is all meaningless in the end. The greatest prize is not an award and I think that we should not be aiming for awards as our goal.

Then it dawned on me also that in NJC today all I uttered were the superficial “Hi Bye” remarks with people whom I have gone to school with for 2 years. Occasionally, I would press in a little and enquire more about their current endeavours, future plans and aspirations, say some lame jokes etc. But it always ends there, and after that the conversation gets tense and then there is the urge to say “Hey, I’ll catch up with you later. Keep in touch OK?” just to part, move on, and bump into another “friend” and repeat the same process.

I mean, one can have so many acquaintances but does it matter? What? Is it supposed to make you feel popular and thus happy? I have 700+ “friends” in Facebook, but does it mean that I am constantly surrounded by friends whom I can care and share everything with? I can tell you honestly that the answer is a flat NO from my life’s reality. I can also tell you for sure that “real friends” account for less than 1% of that figure. I went to look at my “Top Friends” (a Facebook app) list today and realised that I have not really spoken to most of them for weeks if not months. If I were to filter everyone from that list based on the rule of constant and recent communication, I would have a number of “Top Friends” that is lower than the number of fingers on my right hand. (I had since cleared this list. Deciding whether someone is a Top Friend or not really gives me a headache. Sometime in your life someone becomes your “top friend”, and then he or she drifts away as time and distance sets in. Now that I am heading to Berkeley, it would be inevitable that the list would need major amendments again. How sad.)

I remember a friend asking me this in the past: “If you had something bothering you and you would like to share your deepest and toughest problems, who would you go to?” I think I was stumped at that question at that time. I simply could not answer. The truthful answer would be “Me, Myself and I.” I would also be absolutely trumped by the question “Who is your best friend?” I think that until today in all my 19 years of life, I never had a best friend, at least not one that lasted until now.

Can someone define what a true friend is? But if you gave me too honest an answer, i.e. one that is too clear cut and deep, I’m afraid that based on your profound definition I may not have a single true friend. Maybe I was too busy running around building a stupid “empire” of studies and activities and bloody awards but neglected to cultivate close friendships. I end up with countless “Hi Bye” friends.

I don’t want ten thousand “friends”. I just want one or two or maybe three real friends. Wherever I go to in this world, these few friends can be relied on to lend you a shoulder.

It’s high time that I put friendships first. And of course, even if you who are reading this are my fellow “Hi Bye” friend, I love you too and am very grateful to have you as a friend, even though there are many things I do not know about you and vice versa. I would very gladly go out of my way to help you if you just asked. I guess that the reality is not everyone can know everything about myself and be a really close friend, and ironically I think that it is better this way. Thus “Hi Bye” friends are good too. So to the majority out there, Ern Sheong still cares for you as a friend!

And of course, thank God that He sent us a Friend named Jesus Christ to come down to this earth and be true friends with all mankind. But it never hurts to have a true human friend that I can call “best.”

The Edge last week featured some interesting articles related to business. Here I’ll share a few which I think is interesting.

What do these people all have in common?

• Convicted felon Jeffrey Skilling (Enron Corp’s former chief, who is serving a 24-year prison term for fraud)
• Deposed CEO Stan O’Neal (Ousted by Merrill Lynch & Co after failing to know about mortgage risks)
• Struggling CEO Jeffrey Peek (He is seeking to sell CIT Group Inc’s assets after the lending company’s shares dropped 73% in the past one year)
• Unpopular American President George W. Bush

The answer: They all went to Harvard Business School.

But of course, make no doubt about it: Harvard Business School undoubtedly helped put them there in the hot seats in the first place. The article questions the role that Harvard plays in shaping leaders who succeed or fail. Circumstances that occur in life such as a bad marriage, death of family members, or a bad accident can affect executives. Basically it goes on to say that when students come to HBS they all carry with themselves their own set personality which cannot be changed by simply taking more courses in interpersonal relations etc.

A study on 50 HBS students before they enrolled until they graduated in 2006 found that one-third were still stuck in adolescence and had problems emphathising with people. Another third were found inclined to define right or wrong in terms of what everybody else was doing. This might explain why even well educated executives have fallen prey to the subprime-mortgage debacle. The subprime-lending spree shows that Harvard and other elite schools fail to mould managers who look beyond self-interest, the article says.

But of course, HBS has its share of corporate icons as well: US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, formerly head of Goldman Sachs Group Inc; Louis Gerstner, IBM; and Meg Whitman of eBay. Not to mention also New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and majority owner of Bloomberg News parent Bloomberg LP.

Many tech companies do not have MBA students as their CEOs or founders. My impression is that an MBA sort of encourages group-thinking and execution using conventional methods. But I don’t know much and don’t want to pretend that I know much either.

On a side note, I don’t think that I would be pursuing an MBA after graduating from Berkeley. I do intend, however, to pursue a Masters in Engineering and work at the same time, God-willing, through Stanford’s Honors Cooperative Program. 3 years at Berkeley, then off I go to work for 2-3 years in US while doing a part-time Master’s Degree Program@Stanford and also save up money to start a company. Then I would return home to Malaysia and do just that.

Haha… It’s so easy to dream

I realized that I didn’t care anymore whether I was from whatever-name university. After all, in business, I realize that people come from everywhere, not just HYPSM. If you came up to me and introduced yourself as from Harvard or MIT or Stanford, I don’t think that I would really care. So why do people want to go to all those big prestigious places for? Study so hard, work like mad, be passionate in some areas, most of the time for the sake of it, all to be an alum of Princeton/Penn/Cambridge/Oxford etc.? Then get a prestigious job and earn tons of money? What is the end goal?(Help others? Maybe) Self-empowerment and fame boost? Be in a higher standing? Be looked at with awe and amazement? Be famous? Be a “role model” that people look up to? Achieve your career goals? What does all these mean anyway? It’s all temporary. Fleeting.

I don’t care about all that anymore. At least I think I don’t. But I think that’s lying.

And many people work work work to earn money money and more money. What is the point of it all in the end? Yes of course no money no talk. We all need money to survive, enjoy and also do God’s work. But what is the bigger picture? I don’t have the bigger picture at the moment. All I am doing is follow the motions, do what everyone is doing, follow what everybody is pursuing. You go to university? Therefore I have to go to. You trying to enter Big Name University? Hence I try to do so too. You earn big bucks? So my mum tells me that I should too, be prosperous and help others in return, i.e. get money to give money. (Sounds like a cover up and a good excuse for wanting to be wealthy, but it’s not a bad motive) But I really think that there should be something bigger. A bigger purpose. What’s the point of going through the motions, getting along life, striving and striving and losing ourselves?

How can I live my life such that I have absolutely no regrets following the path that I am treading now when I look back in the distant future? I don’t know. I really don’t know. But I know one thing: I really want to start my own company somewhere in the next few years after I graduate. Hopefully in Malaysia.

Why? I am just fascinated by large companies and how they function, especially tech companies. But is it also because I am some power hungry freak who wants to be at the helm of a tech conglomerate? Or because I want to be in control and have a recognizable name? So many possible wrong motives. Is it because I want to make big money? That’s another possible hidden motive. Do I have the hidden motives in me? Maybe. If I answered ‘No’ you wouldn’t believe me either.

But my other reason is that it is just plain fun (and hard work of course). Results are directly proportional to the amount of effort and wisdom that you employ in the business, wisdom in applying the right technology, systems, and in recruiting the right people. And of course, it would be outright exhilarating to see your enterprise lift off the ground and profitably grow. I get to meet and work with people everywhere. Hopefully I get to travel too. Maybe I can provide a great employment opportunity to thousands of people, and motivate them to join the company and embrace its vision instead of treating it like a job. Oh, then it would be a ‘we’ thing too. So many opportunities.

Well, talk is cheap. Let’s go back to the above question? Why bother doing all this? My answer would be that because it would be worse trying to do nothing at all and wonder what your goals are and end up not doing anything. You dream it, go for it. Why and what am I striving for? Do I even have the option to not strive? Really, do I? Can I just stop striving? Would that mean just be complacent? Complacent is a bad word, isn’t it?

I don’t have a choice, do I?

This is true for me. Maybe it has to do with the lack of sleep and all that staying up at night but this has more to do with my level of positiveness rather than my physical tiredness after waking up in the morning.

Simply put, my energy level is at my peak at night, and I feel most positive later in the day, i.e. from afternoon onwards. Sometimes the energy drive turns on during late mornings. During this later part of the day, I am energized and gung-ho, and the energy cycle climbs until I go to bed thinking yeah, “I can do this! (whatever that seems daunting to me) I am game! I WILL do this!”

On the contrary, during many mornings I go “Here we go again; so tough task; so unachievable; how I wish I could run away from all this responsibilities; how tough life is; going to work is such a chore; it’s dreadful; why am I doing this in the first place; I want to stay in bed” and all those degenerating thoughts. I often find myself having to psyche myself out of these slumps and climb that mountain of energy once again (not always, but happens often enough to cause me to notice it). Like now at night I feel so upbeat, which is opposite to what I always feel after I wake up. My spirit often needs lifting after I wake up. This is not a recent thing. Has been happening since secondary, when I am older to notice I guess, especially with all that Head Prefect responsibilities which used to be going on.

Is this some common thing? I respect people who can be so confident day in and day out. They manage to find a way to unfailingly trek up those downward thought slumps daily or even better, stay up there on the high energy plateau all the time. Maybe it is peculiar to me, or maybe it happens to people who perhaps dream too big but do not have the apparent means to achieve it…

But there are always thoughts like that isn’t it? Maybe the key is to just push them aside. But I realized today that it may not be that hard anymore. I ask God to lift me up. Heard a Christian song in the morning today and instantly those morning blues went away. I mean, instantly. Yeah, instantly. Instantly, really. The thoughts just went away and were replaced with my gung-ho ones. WOW.

No, this is not an allegation. I have data to justify what I have stated above. A very interesting observation indeed.

So, it turns out that I have worked for iZZi Wireless Broadband for 3 months already (iZZi’s service is only available in the Klang Valley for now). Until this day, I have sold broadband packages to 37 customers (each package requiring an upfront payment of more than RM 1000, so I can deduce that this group of people belongs to the middle class or higher). But that is not the point.

The point is that out of my 37 customers, 27 customers use 012, 4 customers use 017, 2 customers use 016, 1 customer uses 013 and another 3 customers use 019.

The breakdown (out of 37 customers):
31 Maxis subscribers (84%)
4 Celcom subscribers (11%)
2 DiGi subscribers (5%)

Interesting huh? Despite the rampant and aggresive promotions by DiGi and Celcom, middle and upper classers are not that price sensitive and do not see the need to switch from their beloved Maxis. And of course, Maxis is also offering very attractive rates and packages. But of course, this goes to show that different subscribers target different niche groups, and this finding does not represent the proportion of subscribers that each of the telcos have in Malaysia. (my findings are limited to the Klang Valley and are targeted at more affluent Malaysian users)

Nice piece of info yeah?