So many many things in my mind lately. Cluttered and too many things running around. Let’s catch some of them and place them in words.

1) Weirdly, NUS says that my application is still in “Application Processing” mode even though almost all of my friends already know of their admission decision into NUS. Maybe they are rejecting me because I told them that I am retracting the NUS Double Degree application (Business & Engin. combined). NTU gave me a spot in the NTU-Georgia Tech program even though I told them that I am retracting my application after they asked me to submit more supporting documents. I got lazy, told them I am withdrawing NTU application, and got accepted. The irony.

The thing is, going to Berkeley ain’t cheap. Half a million ringgit of cash splashed, and I might not even get a high paying job upon graduation, especially if I fail to secure a job in the US and have to come back home to Malaysia. The cost does not justify potential earnings.  I am entertaining the thought of just going to Singapore and get that dumb piece of paper called a degree. On the other hand, job aside, Berkeley might expose one to lots of new stuff and give a wholely different experience that might come useful, in some way, maybe in starting a tech venture. So yeah. A gamble indeed.

2) YEAH this pisses me off a lot. Drivers who fail to signal when switching lanes or cutting into your lane. I might be driving a small car, but please signal la when cutting in. At least when you signal, I know and will most of the time let you through as a reward for your courtesy to signal. DON’T BARGE IN LIKE THAT. (Volvo, BMW tai sai ar) Or I’ll HONK =)

Malaysian drivers.

OH yeah there was this joke my colleague related to me. So one day a listener called Mix FM and told the DJ, “Penang drivers are really terrible la.” Another called in and said (obviously a Penang lang) “Where got, in KL the drivers are also like that what. Bad driving.”

Killer statement by yet another caller, “You know why KL got bad drivers or not. They all come from Penang and drive in KL.”

3) Hmmm in my job, I have been going to a lot of places, including the abodes of wealthier people to do some maintainance. I don’t know, but it feels weird. Big houses, big and nice cars, luxuries that I see, makes me wonder whether this is really what I want to own. If I had a lot of cash, would I self-gratify, indulge in all these nothings and be arrogant and think that I’ve got it all? It’s very easy to do that if you are rich. So dangerous to be trapped like that. Live like a king and all, think that one is so big and awesome. Yeah when I drive in my Kancil I will go “ooooo, wahhh, niceeee” at the Toyotas and Hondas and BMWs etc etc., thinking of when I can have enough cash to get a Toyota etc., but is this really the objective of it all? Materials and all. Many of us would like that.  But if a man were really to be judged by the abundance of his possessions, then there can be only one winner in this world, i.e. Warren Buffet at the current moment. Judging by this, the rest might as well be losers. Of course, this cannot be the case.

Being a Christian complicates matters. On one hand, it is OK to be rich, but be generous givers. On the other hand, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (Note: Hard, but not impossible. More discussion on Bible verses about wealth and riches in a later post.) My say is that it is perfectly fine to be wealthy, though many Christians today advocate self-denial and living “poorly” since they say that the Bible says things like “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” But the world screams money and wealth, and if Christiany means that one has to beg in the streets, who would want to become a Christian? The truth is, Jesus’s disciples were very wealthy people. I’ll elaborate in another post.

Even in church, sometimes people give testimonies announcing that God has blessed them financially (yes that’s good and praise the Lord for that) but I don’t really agree with the part that they go on saying that they have recently bought a Mercedes [fill in latest model here] (this is the part that feels wrong to me) as proof that they have been financially blessed. Big deal ah saying you got a Mercedes? A car is a car. What is a Mercedes for if not to flaunt and show off? Sigh. I don’t know. It’s not that I am against people with big cars, but then again who am I to judge anyway? I am not God. But all I want to say in this paragraph is that when someone drives a big car, says he drives a big car etc., my perception of that person, justified or not, points toward arrogance and self-importance. This is the perception I get, to be brutally frank.

This is my stand on riches and wealth: 1) Being rich is not wrong. God needs money for His works too.  2) Tithes and offerings are obligatory and mandatory. God commands us to render to God the things that are God’s. 3) Be a generous giver. One must give in order to receive! But give not to receive but to serve others and shower love on others, especially the needy. 4) Don’t love money, and don’t let money be your God. Now who can say, “I wish to be poor”? The fact is that we all wish that we can have financial freedom, be rich, and not be in lack financially. But how will you live your life once you have all these things? I think how you live your life when you are rich it is more important than having the riches itself. After all, this fact remains: we enter the world with nothing, and we depart with nothing.

The question I challenge all readers to ponder: How will you live your life when you are wealthy? Never forget that it is God who gave the power to get wealth. Give more to those in need? Flaunt it all to fulfill one’s material desires? It’s your choice.

4) Makes me think, I’ve applied to 8 scholarships, only one replied so far, i.e. Shell. Never intended to go into Oil and Gas, so ended up not going for the interview, plus the bond would be unbearable for person like me. Guess I shouldn’t complain about not getting scholarship since I am so choosy. But you get the point. Easier to win a lottery today than to get a scholarship, no matter how good you THINK you are.

[see what months of no intense studying and exams can do to one’s brain. my recent blog posts are proof that the gap period before starting intensive further studies makes me think a lot, some might say too much. but it’s good. sets the priorities right.]

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Some things cannot be rushed.

Infatuation or not infatuation? Perhaps I’ll give a few years to tell the difference. But things will be very different then. Oh, how hard it is to embrace the notion of keeping my eyes on God and serving Him wholeheartedly, everything for Him, doing God’s will at the current moment in my life, instead of dwelling in uncertain hopes and desires that plagues the mind. But today was something lifted. This burden. Maybe now I can give God my 100% attention. As long as I don’t entertain those thoughts. My naive mind.