Ramblings: Awards and Friends
Went to NJC today for College Day to receive a Student Council contribution award. Met up with some pals again, as well as some teachers. Parents came along all the way to Singapore even though the award was no biggie. Of course, I am nonetheless thankful to be even invited for this event. But then again I remembered reading in a book that awards are given to acknowledge that you have been doing things conventionally, the way the world sees success. By getting an award you have proven to be good in the eyes of the world, nothing creative, nothing special, just conventional. Somehow awards don’t really matter to me anymore. I think I would respect the person who has not received any award or praise but has served others whole-heartedly, quietly behind the scenes. I want to be that kind of person. Perhaps the many school awards that I have garnered since primary have made me numb to this fact until now: it is all meaningless in the end. The greatest prize is not an award and I think that we should not be aiming for awards as our goal.
Then it dawned on me also that in NJC today all I uttered were the superficial “Hi Bye” remarks with people whom I have gone to school with for 2 years. Occasionally, I would press in a little and enquire more about their current endeavours, future plans and aspirations, say some lame jokes etc. But it always ends there, and after that the conversation gets tense and then there is the urge to say “Hey, I’ll catch up with you later. Keep in touch OK?” just to part, move on, and bump into another “friend” and repeat the same process.
I mean, one can have so many acquaintances but does it matter? What? Is it supposed to make you feel popular and thus happy? I have 700+ “friends” in Facebook, but does it mean that I am constantly surrounded by friends whom I can care and share everything with? I can tell you honestly that the answer is a flat NO from my life’s reality. I can also tell you for sure that “real friends” account for less than 1% of that figure. I went to look at my “Top Friends” (a Facebook app) list today and realised that I have not really spoken to most of them for weeks if not months. If I were to filter everyone from that list based on the rule of constant and recent communication, I would have a number of “Top Friends” that is lower than the number of fingers on my right hand. (I had since cleared this list. Deciding whether someone is a Top Friend or not really gives me a headache. Sometime in your life someone becomes your “top friend”, and then he or she drifts away as time and distance sets in. Now that I am heading to Berkeley, it would be inevitable that the list would need major amendments again. How sad.)
I remember a friend asking me this in the past: “If you had something bothering you and you would like to share your deepest and toughest problems, who would you go to?” I think I was stumped at that question at that time. I simply could not answer. The truthful answer would be “Me, Myself and I.” I would also be absolutely trumped by the question “Who is your best friend?” I think that until today in all my 19 years of life, I never had a best friend, at least not one that lasted until now.
Can someone define what a true friend is? But if you gave me too honest an answer, i.e. one that is too clear cut and deep, I’m afraid that based on your profound definition I may not have a single true friend. Maybe I was too busy running around building a stupid “empire” of studies and activities and bloody awards but neglected to cultivate close friendships. I end up with countless “Hi Bye” friends.
I don’t want ten thousand “friends”. I just want one or two or maybe three real friends. Wherever I go to in this world, these few friends can be relied on to lend you a shoulder.
It’s high time that I put friendships first. And of course, even if you who are reading this are my fellow “Hi Bye” friend, I love you too and am very grateful to have you as a friend, even though there are many things I do not know about you and vice versa. I would very gladly go out of my way to help you if you just asked. I guess that the reality is not everyone can know everything about myself and be a really close friend, and ironically I think that it is better this way. Thus “Hi Bye” friends are good too. So to the majority out there, Ern Sheong still cares for you as a friend!
And of course, thank God that He sent us a Friend named Jesus Christ to come down to this earth and be true friends with all mankind. But it never hurts to have a true human friend that I can call “best.”
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No offense but I disagree that you’re relating a ’spiritual’ friend to a real life friend. I’m not saying that Jesus isn’t real but you obviously can’t compare things like that right? They’re 2 different things to me.
Hey Ern Sheong. I read this post of yours and I can’t help but to comment on it. I know what you mean by true friends and “Hi Bye” friends. I had the same predicament sometime back; with all the activities, debate, clubs and boards, I never had time to socialize with my friends. However, all hope is not lost.. I was lucky enough to stumble upon a few magnificent people whom I can trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings. I am sure you’ll find someone or some people whom you can call your best friend some day !!
Cheer up!
Ern Sheong! Have you considered that you may just have to invest more of your time in the friends around you? We all love you dude, but the general rule of thumb is this - if you want to get closer to people (and have them grow closer to you), you will have to increase the time you spend with the friends and family you love. No amount of money can make up for a good time spent with cherished friends.
Better late than never anyway. Will call you out the next time I go out an yumcha at a mamak. (: cheers dude!
Well thanks guys for the comments =) I’m fine, just letting out some steam…
@Vic: yeah of course they are different. and they shouldn’t be compared, you are right.
@Liang Hoong: No worries. Very glad for you that you have found really magnificent buddies. Actually I do have but I’m not sure if i actually have ahaha
@Kev: yeah man must take some lessons and learn from the very outgoing mr kevin chan. thanks for advice
hello!
my best friend is my mother! haha. it depends, i have girl friends i see every week but even so, it’s not always i can share problems with them. friendships are dynamic, spend a little more time and you suddenly feel so close, just a little time apart and you feel like strangers. at this very moment, i feel there’s a little barrier between me feeling that close to people. you are not alone! i’ve a million hi-bye friends too haha
@alethea: that’s great! i bet not many can say that their mums are their best friend. those who can are truly blessed. it means that their mums are relinquishing their maternal instincts as overbearing and controlling mothers and embracing more and more the role of a friend to their children. i wish that could happen sooner.
“Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” That’s what Solomon wrote towards the end of his life. I think we all realize it too late, and even when we do, we still are slow to let go. Well, at least I do. As I mentioned on my blog, the main message from my church camp was to leave all things flesh behind and pursue only the things that are of spirit, that is to deny happiness of self and live, in the name and authority of Jesus, for others, because Jesus lived every second of His life for others. It is difficult for me to gulp that in, but I am praying for the courage to rise to the call, as much as I can.
I agree, one can have so many acquaintances but it doesn’t matter. At times I look at someone who is so-called popular among people, with so many friends around him and wonder if all his or her friends are really friends, or are they just clinging on to his or her popularity, or his or her status… I wonder if any of the friends would come to him or her in the days of trouble. That is why I have always settled with fewer, but more quality friends, and technically count the rest as acquaintances. How can someone say he or she is my friend when he or she doesn’t even know me? Not that I am offended, but it is sad because he or she is unknowingly distorting the definition of a “friend” to get the impression that he or she has many friends.
To answer your question on who I would go to share my deepest and toughest problems, before I became a Christian, given how reserved I was, it was a difficult question for me to answer too. It was my parents initially, but as it began to dawn on me that my parents unfortunately could not help (not their fault) I began to keep most of the issues to myself, with a few going to my parents still and a few going to the closest friends. Keeping issues to myself made me weary. I am glad that Jesus came into my life, because He is the greatest Friend and Counselor someone can ever have.
I have nothing against acquaintances, it is simply just organizing my heart to differentiate from those who are really my friends and those who I am unable to count as real friends since, well, they don’t know me well enough, but it is completely okay. I am always glad to lend a hand to anybody (in fact, one way that I become friend with someone is that the someone approached me and asked for help hehe) so yes, I care for my acquaintances, no less than I do a friend. =)
Er… the opinion on the need to spend more time with a friend to grow closer doesn’t always hold true… sometimes, if you can’t get along with someone, you just won’t get along no matter how much effort you put in, and if you really click with someone, you will find yourself growing close to that friend very quickly. Spending time is a factor, but not the deciding factor. Quality > quantity, always.
Hm, very interesting ern sheong, Well i think friends are those who stick to you through thick and thin, don’t judge you by what you are but who you are (personality wise), well there are some who prefer plenty of friends and some who prefer just 2 /3 close ones and they are happy
Some really really good friends are hard to find, sometimes some you have to let go off ( hi bye friend for eg) etc. But lol am your friend laa and you can count on me lol to do minit mesyuarat lembaga pengawas ke 1000? 
any secretarial jobs open? JKJK. better me off being a doctor lol. Anyway, i will be back in june 
lol. Stay in touch and i am not a hi bye friend haha 
its a hi, bye, meet you soon friend 
Till then take care and god bless! 
@Ome: Solomon was the richest guy in the world at that time, and yet he says so. Have to dispense a lesson from that. And also Jesus living for others part, really needs more drilling into my stubborn head. But I’ll save that for another post once i complete some reading up about riches and what the Bible says about it. (I am also exploring the wealth issue)
I found out for myself that sometimes it is easier to share something with a good friend although I have never spoke to that friend for a looong time already. One day I when I find myself needing someone to talk to, this distant friend might seem the best person to talk to. So my point, as you were saying, on the need to spend a lot of time with the friend continually might not hold true. But perhaps there was a time in the past when the bonding was forged, and as our paths diverged we separated but the bonding remains as strong as ever.
And yes, I agree that quality > quantity when it comes to which is more meaningful. Life carries a lot of disappointments, failures, doubts and problems which God allowed into our lives to that we can forge deeper bonding with both Him and the people around us. Had everyday been fun and joy, i can bet that no meaningful friendships would emerge. So that’s the beauty of how God made us all.
And thanks Ome for your time in typing out a long response to my post =)
@Stef: hey thanks yeah for dropping by and leaving a comment =) yeah alert me when you get back and we can go yum cha with ppl like kevin and vic haha. by the way, I GOT SO MANY FRIENDS STUDYING MEDIC/DENTISTRY LA. why does everyone wanna be a doc nowadays?
Statistics (paiseh no source) will tell you that people want a job that will make them “honorable” and able to earn a lot at the same time. lol…
Well no statistics needed, cause observation will tell you that already. Btw how did we digress to jobs now aha… another potential future post =)